im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
