If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
