weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
