This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
