i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize