If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
vagina is talking i cant
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize