So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
