My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My vagina is officially offended.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
