i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
