cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
