Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
