He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
