Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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