after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
