Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
