No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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