Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
