dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
