so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
