i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
