I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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