My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
