sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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