it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
