The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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