Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
