Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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