im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
