Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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