Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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