I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
