I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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