I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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