i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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