i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
