he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
