i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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