guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
