just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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