so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
