Kiss
Puke
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
