Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Terrible idea I love it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
