oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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