Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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