I think I died a long time ago.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
