you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
