Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
