first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
