At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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