Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
