She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize