Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
