We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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