birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
a search helicopter?!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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