shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
