It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We left the knife in your bed.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
