How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Randomize
