Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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