K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
