So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
