you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's official drugs can't kill me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
