We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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