five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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