Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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