hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Boobs are out for the taking
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
