u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
