You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my vag is so smooth its legendary
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
