Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
