shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
