Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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