There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
