Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
